Words of Comfort

For those who have lost a loved one, I imagine you have experienced times when well-meaning friends have stopped by to offer their condolences and share some words of comfort. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon when some of those words may have been more shocking than comforting. While it’s natural to feel awkward or unsure of what to say, it’s important to approach these delicate situations with thoughtfulness.

Grief is a journey that touches every one of us at some point in our lives, whether through personal loss or supporting a grieving friend. In these moments, we want to offer comfort, but sometimes well-meaning words can cause unintended pain.

Many of us have likely experienced moments where someone’s attempt at comfort missed the mark. When my daughter passed away, a friend said, “Thankfully, you have two other children.” While I understood that they were trying to ease my pain, the comment felt like a dismissal of the unique loss I was experiencing. Losing one child could never be mitigated by the presence of others. It was a painful reminder that not everyone knows how to offer true comfort in grief.

The truth is, there are no easy words to fix a broken heart, but there are ways to offer solace without causing more hurt. The key lies in being thoughtful and compassionate about what you say—and sometimes, saying less is more. For those of us already on the journey, we understand this. Perhaps sharing this will help others for the next time they are trying to comfort a loved one.

What Words of Comfort Should Be Spoken?

1. Acknowledge the Loss

Instead of trying to minimize the pain or find a silver lining, simply acknowledging the loss can mean the world to a grieving person. Saying something as simple as, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” can validate their feelings without trying to fix them. Or simply saying, “There are no words” actually says everything.

2. Offer Support Without Solutions

People in grief often don’t want advice or suggestions on how to feel better. Instead, they need to know you’re there for them. Try saying, “I’m here if you need to talk,” or “Let me know how I can support you.” This provides comfort without putting pressure on them to respond in a certain way.

3. Listen More, Speak Less

One of the most powerful gifts you can give to someone grieving is your presence. Often, just being there, sitting with them and listening without judgment or interruption can provide more comfort than any words you might say. Grieving people need to express their emotions, and listening allows them that space. God has blessed with me a few dear friends, who are more like sisters, who have given me the space and grace to speak of Melanie, and share my heartache and loss even when they’ve heard it all before.

What to Avoid Saying

• “At least” Statements

Comments like “At least they’re in a better place” or “At least you have other children” can feel dismissive and diminish the gravity of the loss. Instead, acknowledge their pain without trying to offer a positive spin.

• Comparisons

Grief is personal, and comparing someone’s loss to another’s (“I know how you feel, I lost my pet last year”) can come across as minimizing their unique pain.

When offering words of comfort, may we all choose empathy, patience, and presence over easy fixes. And remember, thoughtful compassion and silence, when necessary, often speak louder than words.