Choose What You Need This Christmas

The Christmas season has a way of magnifying what and who is missing. Everywhere we turn, people are celebrating “the most wonderful time of the year,” yet for those grieving, it can feel like the heaviest. The lights may sparkle, but our hearts don’t always shine the same way they once did. And the tension between what the world expects and what our souls can carry becomes especially real.

One of the hardest parts of the holidays is figuring out how to handle invitations, gatherings, and traditions. People mean well, but even the thought of attending a Christmas party or family dinner can feel overwhelming. How do we say yes? How do we say no? How do we honor our grief while others are celebrating?

Here is what I want you to know: You get to choose what is right for you this season. There are no rules — no expectations to meet, no standards to uphold, no need to force yourself into anything that feels too heavy.

If you decide to go to a gathering, give yourself an out. Arrive in your own vehicle. Tell the host you may only stay thirty minutes. Let yourself leave when you need to. Your emotional well-being matters more than anyone’s timeline or tradition.

And if staying home feels more peaceful, allow that too. A quiet holiday does not mean a lesser holiday — sometimes it means a kinder one. Or perhaps continuing one cherished tradition helps you feel close to the person you are missing. Honor that gentle longing as well. It’s okay to choose what you need this Christmas, no matter what anyone else may think.

Above all, lean into your faith. Let God meet you in the ache, steady you in the lonely moments, and remind you that you are deeply held.

You are not failing at Christmas. You are grieving with courage, and that is enough.

With love, Pat