Changed By Loss, Held By Grace

As Mother’s Day approaches, our hearts are stirred in countless ways. For many, it’s a day filled with love, laughter, and cherished memories. But for others, it’s also a day tinged with sorrow — mothers grieving the loss of children, daughters mourning the absence of their mothers. It’s a complicated mixture of gratitude and grief, joy and pain. Because of grief, we are changed by loss, held by grace.

Even for those of us who still have beloved children in our arms and lives, the ache of loss doesn’t fade. We’re grateful — deeply, truly — but that doesn’t cancel out the sorrow. Loss forever changes us. It doesn’t ask for permission or give us the option of returning to who we were. It simply marks us.

So many friends and family members long to see us return to our “old selves” — the light-hearted, fun-loving versions of who we once were. But for those who have walked through deep grief, we know that such a return is rarely possible. That version of us was shaped by a life that didn’t yet know the pain we carry now. And that can be a difficult reality for those around us to accept.

When you’ve lost a child, you understand, there is no sorrow that compares. It changes how we see the world, how we move through it, and how we connect with others. I know I’ll never be the woman I was before Melanie died. Sometimes I look at old photos and I can see the difference — not just in my eyes, but in my whole countenance. There’s a before and an after, and the line between the two is heartbreakingly clear.

Have you noticed the same in your photos? A subtle — or maybe not-so-subtle — shift that tells a story no one else can fully understand?

This Mother’s Day, if you’re grieving, please know you’re not alone. Let’s give ourselves and one another grace. Grief reshapes us, but it doesn’t remove our capacity to love — or to be loved — even in our changed form.