How Grief Changes the Way We See Life

Something happens to us after loss enters our lives. Grief changes the way we see life, often causing us to notice things we may have once overlooked.

The sound of someone's laughter.

A familiar voice on the other end of the phone.

Everyone gathered around the table.

An ordinary afternoon with nowhere important to be.

The photograph we almost didn't take.

Before loss, I knew life was precious. After loss, I understood it. There is a difference.

Loss has a way of shifting our perspective, revealing what we may have unknowingly taken for granted.

We notice when someone says, “I'll call you tomorrow,” because we know tomorrow isn't promised.

We notice the people sitting around the table, instead of worrying quite as much about whether everything on the table is perfect.

We notice the ordinary conversations, the familiar stories, the little habits that once seemed insignificant. And we realize that those little things weren't little at all.

But grief doesn't only change the way we see life. It can change the way we see people.

We may notice the person who becomes unusually quiet in a crowded room.

We recognize the smile that doesn't quite reach someone's eyes.

We think twice before assuming we know what someone else is carrying.

Maybe we reach out more often.

Maybe we listen a little longer.

Maybe we're less interested in fixing things and more willing to simply sit beside someone in the hard places.

Loss can make us more aware of how much of life happens beneath the surface.

I wish some of these things didn't have to be learned through loss.

But there is a difference between knowing life is fragile and having loss make that truth deeply personal.

Once loss touches your life, there are some things you simply can't unsee.

You notice the people.

You notice the moments.

You notice what matters, and what doesn't.

You say “I love you.”

You make the call.

You take the picture.

You linger around the table a little longer.

You pay attention.

Not because loss made any of these things more valuable. But because loss taught you just how valuable they had always been.

I wish I hadn't learned some of these things through loss. But I did. And now that I notice them, I don't want to stop noticing.