Anticipatory Grief

We read a lot about the many emotions that accompany grief, yet we don’t always talk much about anticipatory grief. Although anticipatory grief is the overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss before a loved one passes away, I have also found we can experience anticipatory grief after our loved one runs ahead to Heaven. Typically, this happens in anticipation of an upcoming anniversary or holiday. The emotional build-up can start days, weeks, or even months ahead, creating a sense of dread that is difficult to articulate. For me personally I have found this to be true as Melanie’s anniversary approaches. Have you found this to be the case for you?

Anticipatory grief is less spoken about, and is much more complex than the actual anniversary of the loss. The anticipation leading up to that milestone date can feel like carrying an invisible weight. Emotions that have been buried may rise to the surface, and the sense of loss becomes heightened, even if the date itself hasn’t yet arrived.

In anticipatory grief, the mind may imagine or relive the worst moments—replaying those painful memories. The sense of helplessness during this time can feel isolating, and friends or family members may not fully understand the depth of this inner turmoil. However, acknowledging anticipatory grief is a crucial step in the healing process. It empowers you to confront these feelings and begin the journey towards healing.

By contrast, when the anniversary day itself comes, it is often with a release. Even if you should find yourself dreading the actual day, gatherings can provide a space for reflection. Instead, the trepidation may subside when replaced with tangible actions. Perhaps you’d like to do an act of service honoring your loved one, or even start a tradition in memory of them. Some like to visit the gravesite, light candles, or share a family dinner together. These actions can help us reminisce and share memories with others, providing a sense of connection and comfort. Whatever you decide, do what makes your heart feel good and connected to your loved one.