Time is a Funny Thing

The concept of time can be such a dichotomy. As dinnertime approaches, have you ever turned around and said, “Where did the day go?” I sure have. It’s also interesting how sometimes a day can seem like forever, but then a year can feel like it went by in the blink of an eye. Yes, time is a funny thing. And to those walking through the grief journey, the hands of time are measured quite differently.

How many of you have been told, “Well, it’s been one year. Aren’t you over that yet?” Whoever came up with the inaccurate assumption that our grieving would be over after one year must have never lost a loved one.

Typically, society doesn’t validate grief that lasts longer than a year. It often feels as if grief support comes with an unspoken expiration date. Oh, how I’d love to talk with the person who started this false rumor for a few moments.

Why do you think this totally erroneous concept of time has been placed upon those who are grieving? Many people – usually those not on this journey – mark the first anniversary as a time when we come to the end of grief. But this time frame is typically far from it.

We need to help educate those who have no understanding to stop thinking that grief is something with an end destination. And we need to begin believing it’s ok to not be ok. I once read, “The goal of grief isn’t to polish it until it shines with the lightness and promise of something new. Instead, we should hope for the courage to live alongside grief and understand it’s an active part of what comes next.” Such wisdom! 

The misconception of time places undue stress and expectation upon those of us who are grieving. If we are not in the emotional place some in society believe we should be, it only places more pressure on us.

Time is a funny thing, but for those who are struggling, please know the journey does get easier. Not because we get over it but because we find ways to begin building our lives around our grief. We find healthy ways to cope with our loss, such as attending a support group, or even talking with one person with whom we can let down our guard and be our transparent and vulnerable selves. Please don’t be weighed down by the others’ expectations. As they say, “You do you!”