Forgiveness

What is forgiveness? Forgiveness means different things to different people. It involves intentionally letting go of any resentment and anger you may harbor against another. Whatever the act was that hurt or offended you, it might always be with you, but working on forgiveness can lessen the grip it has on you. 

It’s been a while since I’ve written about forgiveness (read further here: Forgiveness The 6th Stage of Grief), but since the topic has been raised frequently in recent weeks, I thought it might be time to talk about it again.  

We have all had someone do or say something that offended us. But how do we handle forgiving someone who is no longer here? And, is it possible to receive forgiveness from someone who’s already died? Yes, I believe it’s possible to both give and receive forgiveness from a loved one who is no longer on this earth. 

Maybe you had a fight with your loved one and harsh words were exchanged. Perhaps you never got the chance to tell them how sorry you were. My friends, please know they are not holding that against you. Heaven does not allow for anger and dissension. It’s a place of pure love.

In Heaven, no one harbors revenge, resentment, or anger whatsoever. They are given a new lens to look through, which is with pure unconditional love. 

Did you know that there are three types of forgiveness? Exoneration, forbearance, and release. I wish we had time to go into each one, but in the case of forgiving someone who is no longer here, release is the one that applies.

Release asks that instead of continuing to define your life in terms of the hurt you’re holding onto, you can release any bad feelings and your worry with the negative things that have happened. Most importantly, release is critically significant because it allows you to let go of the burden weighing you down and eating away at your chance for healing and happiness.

If you don’t release the pain and anger and move past dwelling on old hurts, you will be allowing the ones who hurt you to live rent-free, in your mind and heart, forever reliving the oppression that the original incident started.

The Bible references forgiveness at least 49 times. We must forgive others if we want to be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15; Colossians 3:12-13). This also includes forgiving ourselves.

Practicing forgiveness can have powerful health benefits. Studies have shown that forgiveness is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and hostility, along with having higher self-esteem and greater life satisfaction.

If something is weighing heavily on your heart and you wish to share it with your loved one who is no longer here, you can write them a letter. Get a piece of paper and a pen, or sit at your computer and pour your heart out to them. Once you’ve expressed everything you want, you can either keep or destroy the letter. The important thing is that you allow forgiveness to enter in and let your heart begin to heal.