Bittersweet, Beautiful and Broken
- Pat Elsberry
- Dec 6, 2021
- 3 min read
This weekend we celebrated the launch of my book, Beautifully Broken. It was such a mixture of emotions – bittersweet, beautiful and broken all at the same time. We celebrated with friends and family, and the best part of the day was when my oldest son who lives out of state surprised us all by showing up at the event. His attendance meant the world to me as we could all be together to once again honor Melanie.
Many have asked how I decided on the title of my book. Well, Beautifully Broken, is derived from a poem Melanie wrote the year before she died. It truly is the essence of who she was, and I’d like to share an excerpt from the book with you today.
I AmI am broken but beautifully madeI wonder if I’ll make it after thisI hear my son’s voiceI see myself walking out of these gatesI want to be sober for the rest of my lifeI am broken but beautifully made
I pretend like I have it all togetherI feel like cryingI touch my chest because my heart is brokenI worry that I will fail and not succeedI cry when I feel aloneI am broken but beautifully made
I understand I am stuck with this diseaseI say have faith, this too shall passI dream about being in better places soonI try to please those that don’t care about meI hope to be happy with who I’ve becomeI am broken but beautifully made ©
This was my Melanie.
While this was an exciting time, the closer we got to the book launch the bittersweet continually seeped into the crevices of this momma’s heart and spirit. My main thought always came back to this – If only I didn’t have to write this book and my girl was still here with me. Sigh.
In the weeks preceding the launch I felt as if I was being attacked on every side. I was physically ill and also began to experience anxiety in a way I had not had in a long time. I am so grateful for the friends and family who came alongside me lifting me up in prayer. The enemy does not like when we do anything good, and he especially doesn’t like it if we are giving honor and glory to Jesus while doing so.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (Ephesians 6: 12-13 NIV)
Writing this book was Holy Spirit inspired and a true labor of love. Knowing this I remain firm in my stand and am excited to share our journey as God has directed me to do with authenticity and vulnerability.
As we all continue to venture down the path of grief, I am thankful for each of you. I don’t claim to know all the answers because I don’t. But one thing I know for sure is that walking this road together, linking arms, and lifting each other up along the way makes the journey so much easier.
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